


Hammered

by Kabella



Series: Endurance [11]
Category: Mötley Crüe, The Dirt (2019)
Genre: Alone, Angst, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Rehab, Terrorcest - Freeform, afraid, drunk, last night - Freeform, together
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-24
Updated: 2020-06-24
Packaged: 2021-03-04 02:29:11
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,673
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24886132
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Kabella/pseuds/Kabella
Summary: Nikki is off to rehab. Tommy is not handling it so well.
Relationships: Tommy Lee/Nikki Sixx
Series: Endurance [11]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1902748
Comments: 2
Kudos: 17





	Hammered

**Author's Note:**

> So, I had this entire chapter laid out in my head, from start to finish, including dialogue. It was going to be an awesome chapter. Welp, when I sit down to actually start writing, my brain chokes. I forgot all of my ideas and dialogue. Fuck. This has happened to me before. So, here's my less superior second edition. It's OK. What I had in my head was better. Damned if I remember anything.
> 
> This is a reminder that I can only go through broad strokes of a chapter in my head. No details til I'm ready to write. My initial thoughts and ideas are always spot on. Once my brain tries to recall what the ideas were, I'm done for. Can't remember shit.
> 
> This one comes after Smoke The Sky.
> 
> **Sorry about my personal thoughts on my last post. I still am feeling some of that, but when I have even just a few dedicated fans, it's worth it. I really do like writing. Thanks guys.

Nikki is leaving the day after tomorrow for rehab in Arizona. He’s unsure, at this time, how long he’ll stay. Anywhere from the 28 day program up to 90 days. Nikki’s ultimate goal is lasting sobriety, and to be equipped with tools and coping mechanisms to prevent future slip-ups. Tommy understands, and supports him in his endeavor, but is not ready to be without him again. Not now. He’s not ready. He’s spent far too much time alone in the last 3 years, starting with jail, then without his wife, distance from his band, then being without Nikki for nearly 2 years, not to mention limited time with his kids. It’s a whole lot of loneliness. Finally, having Nikki back has helped with healing, but he has yet to address his recent wounds from the past few years, in a professional manner. He’s fearful that he might take steps backwards once Nikki leaves.

Nikki is coming over to Tommy’s later to spend the evening with him. He’ll spend tomorrow with his wife and kids, and then he’s off to rehab. Tommy didn’t get a lot of sleep last night. He’s been up pacing and well, binging on alcohol. He keeps chanting to himself that this is a good thing, and it’s good for their future, but it’s not helping the immediate fear of perpetual solitude that’s looming ahead.

Nikki arrives at Tommy’s house, and rings the doorbell. The drummer answers, steps back to let him in, shuts the door, then gives Nikki a tight embrace. Nikki pulls back because he wants a kiss. He connects with Tommy’s lips.

“Damn. I feel like I’m drinking directly from the bottle,” Nikki says, licking his lips after tasting Tommy.

“I guess I’ve been hitting it a little hard,” Tommy says, with a fake laugh.

“Dude, is this what you’ve been doing all day,” Nikki says, giving a concerned look to Tommy.

“Fuck, Nik. You said no judgement,” Tommy slurs.

“I’m sorry, T. I’m not judging. I’m just a little concerned that you’re drinking so heavily,” Nikki says, pulling him back in for a one-armed embrace, rubbing his back and kissing his forehead.

“I just….. I guess I’m just feeling a little lost,” Tommy reveals, pulling away and turning his back.

“Is it because I’m leaving?”

Tommy shrugs, as he steps away from Nikki.

“Tom?”

Tommy doesn’t say anything back, as he stares out the window. Nikki hears Tommy sniffling. He walks over to the window, and puts his hand on Tommy’s shoulder. “Tom?”

Tommy turns towards Nikki, and throws his arms around him, collapsing into the bass player sobbing, as Nikki supports him with his own arms. 

“Oh my god, baby. What’s wrong?” Nikki says, holding onto Tommy tightly.

“I’m afraid to be alone again,” Tommy cries out. "I don't know if I can keep my demons away."

“You’re not alone. Let’s talk,” Nikki says, trying to direct Tommy towards the couch.

They get to the couch and sit. Tommy curls up into Nikki, and continues to cry. Nikki gives him time to get it out, leaning into him, rubbing his back. The strong smell of alcohol is rolling off of him like heavy, evening fog rolling over a swamp. Nikki can tell that Tommy is sloshed; hammered. He senses that the drummer has been somewhat upset by the news of him checking into rehab, but he didn’t know that it was affecting him this badly. Tommy is bothered by something more than just being apart from him. 

Nikki pulls Tommy in more tightly, and whispers to him that everything will be OK. The bassist thinks that Tommy might be too inebriated for a serious conversation right now. He’s content just to hold him, The drummer seems comforted by Nikki’s embrace, and begins to quiet himself.

“It’s OK, T. I’m here, and I’m not going anywhere.”

Tommy’s head is spinning. He’s aware that he’s cradled in Nikki’s embrace. It feels good and safe. He lays his head on Nikki’s chest. He’s soothed by the rhythm of Nikki’s heartbeat and his back being stroked. Before long, Tommy is peacefully lulled to sleep. Nikki notices pretty early on by the growing wet spot on his shirt from the drummer’s drunken drool. He’s content to just sit here with his baby, sleeping off his intoxication in his arms. He turns the TV on.

About 2 hours have elapsed, since the drummer fell asleep. Nikki thinks he may have nodded off for a little while himself. As he comes to, his arm and leg on one side both feel numb. He needs to stretch out. It’s time to wake Tommy up. “Hey, T-Bone,” Nikki says, in a low voice, rocking his shoulder gently.

Tommy picks his head up. He looks dazed, as he tries to adjust his eyes to a woken state.

“Oh shit. I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to fall asleep….. And fuck, I know. I’m sorry. I know I’m drunk. I don’t--”

Nikki interrupts. “It’s OK. We’re still spending time together. I’ll take you any which way,” Nikki smiles.

Tommy continues to blink his eyes, rubbing them with his hands to snap to it. 

“You OK there?’ Nikki asks.

“I will be. I think that I’m just overthinking things,” Tommy replies, by now, sitting hunched over on the couch holding his head.

“You can talk to me. I take it that you’re upset that I’m leaving?’

“It’s just stupid, Nik. Don’t worry about it.”

“You said earlier that you were afraid of being alone. That does worry me.”

“It’s just stuff in my head.”

“C’mon, Tom. You gotta see someone about that shit. Come with me. There’s mental health services there too.”

“Nik, you don’t understand. I can’t just talk to someone about the fucked up shit in my head.”

“So you’re going to hold it in? Tom, it’s been 3 close to years. You haven’t even spoken to me about it.”

“It’s not that simple, Nikki. It’s not just about talking it out. It changed me…. “

Nikki pulls Tommy into him again.

“If it were easy, I wouldn’t be sitting here wasting time trying to get a grip when we could be doing something different. I wouldn’t be upset that you want to get yourself clean and have to leave. I wouldn’t have left you 2 years ago,” Tommy says.

“Listen. You don’t have to tell me anything. I can’t help but to insist that you seek professional help though. For you, for us, for your kids. I care about you too much, and it hurts to see you continuing to suffer,” Nikki sighs.

“I know, Nik. Maybe some day.”

“What are you going to do when I leave? You’re already drowning yourself.”

Tommy doesn’t answer, and just starts to tear up again.

“I love you, baby. Do you need me to postpone rehab? It can wait a little,” Nikki says, burying his face in Tommy’s hair.

“I don’t want you to leave, but I’m not going to ask you to postpone or not go. I’ll never forgive myself if something bad happens to you that’s related to drugs or alcohol. This is just hard, and I haven’t quite figured out how to handle things without you.”

“Tommy. Come with me. I’ll make a phone call tomorrow. You can get the help you need, and we can be close. I know we might not be able to see each other much with different programs, but I’ll know you’re near. And you’ll know I’m near.”

“I don’t know, Nik. I have a lot of stuff to square away here,” Tommy says, pulling away, rubbing his face.

“Excuses. Your ex will have the kids. Your family can help if she needs. Your friend can stay here again. Even if it takes a week or two to square things away and get ready, you can still make it happen, and be close to me.”

“I just don’t think that I’m ready to share my pain with some person in a suit.”

“I’ve been to this place. There’s a reason I’m going back. I found them caring and helpful, and you know how fucking stubborn I am about shit.”

“I might not even see you,” Tommy laments.

“But you’ll know I’m there. I’ll probably wake up every morning and challenge myself to spot you somewhere. Maybe we can schedule shock therapy treatments together.”

“Shit man. If stuff like that was still approved for treatment, I’d go for it. I wouldn’t mind killing off some extra brain cells with a chance of a brain numbing or electrocution.”

“Yeah, and we hold hands. We’d get double the pleasure, as the electricity travels through one to the other.”

Tommy smiles at Nikki's joking. “I don’t know, Love. I gotta sleep on it.”

“Call me tomorrow. I don’t want to push you into anything, but I think this is a win-win. We do so much together.”

“We should be doing stuff together right now, not sitting here talking,” Tommy says.

“We will, you’re just trying to get off the subject though. Please, just tell me that you’ll think about it…. You know, you’ve helped get me through a lot in the past; taking care of me, so to speak. I always wanted to do the same for you. Of course, I envisioned bringing you chicken soup in bed, and massaging your feet. Not this. The pain you bear, kills me. I don’t want you to hurt anymore. I can only do so much to help you heal. Please take this chance.”

“I just need time to think, OK? You make sense. I got a lot to sort out. But, right now, I just want to spend these last few hours with you having fun.”

“That’s exactly what I want too. I’m here for you tonight, in all ways,” Nikki says, leaning in to connect his lips with Tommy’s.

Tommy pulls away, and holds his hand out for Nikki to take. “Come on, love. Let’s go up to my bedroom and take care of each other.”


End file.
